Do You Care for Someone with Dementia? Take Care of Yourself, Too.

Caring for someone with dementia is a generous and loving work of the heart that can be immensely fulfilling and rewarding. It can also be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining, especially if you’re juggling caregiving duties with a career or family. Left unchecked, this exhaustion can lead to caregiver burnout, which is common among dementia caregivers. For your own health and well-being, in addition to looking after your loved one, it’s vital that you look after yourself, too.

Maybe that sounds like one more thing to add to your to-do list. It’s not as hard as you might think, however. And if you take care of yourself, you may find your to-do list growing shorter, because you won’t be taking steps to address the signs of caregiver stress: reaching for medications to treat headaches, body aches, high blood pressure, or indigestion; shopping for clothes because you’ve suddenly lost or gained weight; catching catnaps because of sleep troubles; or reaching for alcohol, drugs, or other unhealthy choices to cope with stress.

You’ll sleep better, eat better, and handle stress and anxiety better if you try these steps:

Don’t go it alone. Joining a local caregiver support group can be very helpful, as it provides reassurance you’re not alone and presents opportunities to give and share advice with others in the same boat. Contact the Alzheimer’s Association or your local Area Agency on Aging to find groups near you. 

Ask for and accept help. Try asking family or friends to step in. Suggest possible days and times whenever someone asks what they can to do help. Be willing to accept offers to help, too. Most people who offer genuinely want to help.

Eat healthier. It’s hard to eat healthy when you’re pressed for time. However, you can skip the high-fat, high-sodium convenience foods and drive-through fast foods by opting for fresh prepared foods from a local supermarket. If you love to cook but don’t have the time, consider mail-order ready-to-cook meal kits.

Let services serve you. Use app-based services to save time and lighten your load. Examples:  InstaCart to have groceries delivered, Door Dash to have local restaurant meals delivered, and TaskRabbit to get repairs and other projects done around the house.

Keep a journal. Writing out daily events and your feelings about them can help you process in real time, keep things in perspective, and calm the swirling emotions in your head. In the same way you might keep a care journal for your loved one, keep a care journal for yourself.

Exercise regularly. Think you don’t have time? Even 30 minutes a day most days of the week gets you better sleep, a stronger immune system, and reduced stress. You’ll also help build your muscle strength and stamina, too. Go for a walk, try a yoga app, or use workout videos where an instructor coaches you and keeps you motivated.

Laugh as much as you can. Laughter is called the best medicine for a reason. It increases the release of feel-good hormones from your brain called endorphins. It helps lessen stress, depression, and anxiety. Like exercise, laughter can also improve your immune system. Some ideas: Watch a funny movie or comedy special. Post comic strips on the fridge. Find a book of corny jokes to share with your loved one. Hang out (when you can) with some of your most hilarious friends.

Check out Memory Cafés. A Memory Cafe is a safe and comfortable space where caregivers and their loved ones can socialize, listen to music, play games, and enjoy other appropriate activities. Cafés are in physical locations and there are many online options as well; you can find them in the Memory Café Directory. Memory cafés are a way to enjoy activities with your loved one as a break from the normal routine that you share.

Consider respite care. Respite care gives you a pause from caregiving duties by having someone else care for your loved one temporarily. This type of care is available from adult day care centers as well as short-term stays in nursing centers or assisted living and memory care communities. It can also be done at home with home health agencies, which can be the best option as it helps maintain the routine and structure your loved one is used to.

The healthier you are, the more fulfilling and meaningful you can help make the dementia journey for your loved one. But make no mistake, this is also about you, because you are also on this journey.

Remember that you and your loved one are full partners in their care, but that you also have other partners pulling for you: the friends and family members who reach out with offers to help, any home care providers you bring in, the nurse or social worker on your loved one’s health care team who’s seen it all before.

And, if you don’t have one already, consider working with a therapist or other mental health professional for yourself, someone who can help you manage the stress of caregiving and guide you to a healthier place.

Even as you care for someone else, don’t be afraid to spoil yourself. Let others care for you, too. You deserve nothing less than to feel your best as you accompany your loved one on this journey.